By P. SaravanaManikandan In Tamil.
Translated by
M.Chithra Rajam
chithrarajam@gmail.com
And
K. Muruganandhan
Send2kmn@gmail.com
 |
"Why, sir, what’s the issue?"
“Just wanted to buy a Philips
radio thambi”.
"What sir? Do you still
listen to radio stations?"
"Oh no! It’s not for me… It
is for Rosy akka. Do you remember her? She was in Mariya home. She has been
asking for a Radio for a long time. Philips alone would suit well in quality
and design.
Ask for its availability in
Aruppukottai and let me know. I will visit there and buy it for her. Otherwise,
I will have to go to Townhall in Madurai. The problem is not about travelling
there…” He continued talking.
“Where’s she in Aruppukkottai now?"
Asked Tamil.
“She stays in a hostel near old
bus stand it seems. I didn't visit her either. Talking to her only through phone.
She feels very bored. That’s why thought of getting her a radio…”. Balu passed on
the responsibility to Tamil and hung up the phone.
Balu sir is a blind, a retired
graduate teacher. While Tamilvanan was studying in a middle school for the
blind In the 90s run by a Christian congregation, he worked as a teacher in the
town's government high school. Like Balu sir, Tamilvanan has also become a
graduate teacher now.
Tamilvanan has a bleak memory of
Balu Sir's house that was just a leap away behind his school compound. But he has
a strong memory of the Mariya Home Balu Sir was just talking about. It was situated
in another corner of his school campus, where a nursery school for the blind
children called 'Little Class' was also running.
Senior Blind girls who had
stopped their education at eighth standard and elderly blind women who were
neglected by their relatives because of their disability were at the Mariya
Home.
Like the Mariya Home, the Britto
Home for senior Blind boys and elderly blind men was also situated close to his
hostel. Both men and women, over twenty years of age, were staying and carrying
out weaving work in these separate homes. The school and these homes were all administered
by the Church.
He had never visited the Mariya
Home, as he was a boy and because of the distance. He doesn’t remember now, perhaps
he had been there a couple of times.
But it was quite another story
with the Britto Home. As it was near his hostel, most of the boys like Tamil
spent their evenings there.
In the dormitory of their school
hostel, fifteen boys stayed together in a room, spread mats on the floor in a
row, and three of them had to sleep on two mats. But in Britto home, Tapestry cots
had been allotted to the senior boys, with just two or three of them occupying
each room. Free from the burden of study and homework, the senior boys could
listen to songs freely from radio sets of their own. Like these , there were
many reasons which had special attraction for the boys in Britto home. Students
were repeatedly reprimanded by teachers for developing this attraction.
However, their trips continued unabated.
Not only the student boys, but
also the senior boys looked forward to the visits of their younger ones. They
perhaps found solace in filling their laps with the young boys and warming their mind in the conversations. Carrying the
boys on their shoulders, the sweetened flavor of the mint candy the annas
bought from Madhav Annan's cupboard shop hadn’t faded away still. Even now,
Tamil got excited with the piling memories of these nostalgic feelings.
Tamil said to himself, “It was
the golden age of immense love and affection. Without even realizing, we were
applying ointment, plucking out the sores that had festered in them due to
neglect.”
Tamil lamented that time has made
those two homes non-existent today. Where would all of them have gone? Many
might have died.Madhav Anna's age was already fifty years old then…Tamil’s mind
started reminiscing old times.
He doesn’t remember Rosy Akka at
all. Whenever he gets reminded of the Mariya Home, the name Devakirubai alone poured
bunch of thorns into his memories. Everyone called her Krupa. Rosy akka had to
leave that enchanting forest among the uprooted trees. But Kirupa Akka's wings
were broken and she was exiled from the oasis that had flourished in her time.
Krupa is a child of God. She was brought
up by that school from childhood. She had never experienced her mother's lap.
She had spent her childhood only amidst the harsh and dry words of the nurses.
She passed her twenties clinging to the gospel words of Jesus, ignorant of
anything that life denied her like love, warmth and care.
All the senior boys and girls
would be talking amidst the sound of the loom 'katak katak', except Krupa Akka. While elders would be
complaining about their inabilities mixed with sarcasm, The focus of all
youngsters would be on Krupa Akka who persisted with her work without uttering
a word. Moreover, Sundaram Annan would always tease Krupa Akka.
Krupa would speak her heart out
to only two people. One was Lord the almighty. Another was Desammal aayaa of her
home who had become bedridden due to old age. Krupa had made it her daily duty
to serve Deshammal. She would narrate Deshammal everything that happened during
the working hours. In particular, she would complain about Sundaram's mischiefs
and her resultant irritation.
Desammal alone could console Krupa. Desammal knew how to
pacify Krupa By saying some divine versus like 'Love others as yourself’, ‘whosoever
shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
’.
Sundaram was then 25. Sundaram's
condition was worse than that of Krupa. He lost everything one after the other,
like loving parents, prosperous wealth and close relationships. At the age of
seven, Sundaram stood completely orphaned. Blindness became an adage, he nevertheless
appeared happy. There was a stock of crowd around him always, as there was no
dearth of entertainment wherever he was.
For the past few days, everyone
in the loom had been talking about their mates Pandi and Ponnamma. The elopement
they had executed was being described as
an act of bravery by some and absolute disobedience by others. Between them,
Kiruba agreed with the second group. According to her, the act of her friend
Ponnammal, who was not loyal to that institution, seemed disgusting. Everyone
was talking that it was Sundaram, who had given them courage and had sent them
safely on their way. Krupa's hatred for Sundaram got increased further.
“Anna! You are a great man. Though
I am always with you how come you did such a great job even without ,my knowledge !" John exclaimed.
“Hey! You are after all a small boy daa!”, Sundaram laughed the matter off.
“But Perumal Anna also said the
same about you, ‘We took Sundaram lightly. Now see what a great thing he has done!’. When Perumal anna said
so, our Muruga annan laughed out saying, ‘Take him for a young brave lad".
“Our Sabarimuthu annan said that Pastor is very angry with you. Even All akkas are
talking only about you”.
“Which akka do you mean?”
Sundaram asked, expecting something specific. “Everyone. Why? Daisy Akka,
Shanti Akka. That too, you should see Shanti akka’s face! I think Shanti akka will
be the next in line requiring your
help”.
"Hey! Didn’t Mercy or devakirubai say anything about
this?" Sundaram asked curiously.
“Who those reserved ladies? they themselves
can’t hear what they speak. Atleast some sounds peep out from Devakrupa akka
while singing the song and reading verses. This Mercy, even when singing sounds
as if singing from the bottom of a well. These are very stubborn ladies… They
are children of the congregation. They will show their loyalty only to the
congregation for sure. This kiruba akka in particular, is always immersed in
songs and prayers… chai chai!” John spoke with a lot of irritation.
"Hey!
speaking as if you are a big lad? Don’t talk too much, go to work.” said Sundaram
and sent John away to Madhav Anna's shop giving him some coins.
‘so reserved…’ so stubborn… John's
words were echoing in his mind. “Being fair complexioned and beautiful would
make people arrogant”. Sundaram drew a canvas of Kiruba within himself. Even
though he was ignorant of colors, he had gained the knowledge through people's
words that beauty means fair complexion. But all he thought of Kiruba as fair
complexioned and beautiful was only because of her voice.
What a soft, bright voice. Of all
her words, how damn nice it is to listen to the word 'stothram' coming out from
her parted lips crossing the throats. This whole world’s beauty won’t match for
that monosyllabic sound 'S'. He offered his gratitude to Lord the almighty who
made humans to utter the word stothram’ very often.
"Do you see how dare he has
grown?” Krupa gritted her teeth.
"Who?" Desammal asked
in a low voice.
“That Sundaram of course. He
knows no obedience at all Aayaa. He only has induced the affair between
Ponnamma and Pandi and helped them elope. Is it enough only if you pray in high
pitch voice? Do you know which verse he chose to say during today’s prayer?"
"Which verse was that?”
Deshammal asked.
“‘The fear of the Lord is the of
wisdom.’ What propriety does he have to say this verse?” Kiruba said, gritting
her teeth. "Fellows like him who disobey Lord the almighty and the congregation
of his creation must be thrown out immediately by the neck".
"Krupa! God came not to call the righteous, but sinners
to repentance.
Have you forgotten this verse?”
Deshammal said this in a low voice to calm down Krupa. Desammal's condition
suddenly worsened after pacifying Krupa. She was admitted to a nearby hospital
administered by the congregation.
Sundaram, along with Mariya Home
Warden sister Esther volunteered to do chores for Desammal.
Now Krupa was left alone in her
room without desammal. She felt like crying. She wanted to see Deshammal right
away.
Krupa thought how Esther would treat
desammal even on normal days. She was worried about the ill-treatment of Esther
that Deshammal might have to bear at the hospital. Krupa visited desammal accompanied
by a friend who had low-vision. Desammal said appreciative words about the
services Sundaram rendered for her in a low voice.
While she was narrating, all the
opinions of Kirupa about Sundaram began to crumble one by one like the chains that bound Jesus' hands and feet got crumbled during
his resurrection.
Kiruba ended up staying in the
hospital with Desammal after Esther Warden's usual escape from her responsibilities
due to sure apathy and intolerance.
Everything was bit difficult for
her at the beginning as she hadn’t ever taken a step alone in a new place. But
Sundaram’s casual moving around the place gave her a new courage since he was
also totally blind.
“Esther Akka told me I must stay”,
Kiruba spoke to him for the first time. He felt an indescribable ecstasy emerging
inside him. Sundaram felt as if he was under the possession of some divine
force right then. He identified her words with the very voice of an angel
announcing the birth of the Messiah to the shepherds.
Clearing her throat a little,
doubting that he didn't hear what she said, kiruba said, “Esther …”. Yes of
course. She will have a lot of work to do like going to church and attending to
the prayers." Sundaram intervened as soon as she started. Kiruba could
recognize the sarcasm in his voice.
“Why is she so unkind?” kiruba
asked. "What else? Lord the almighty will forgive seven and even seventy
times, that’s why!”. Kirupa laughed out her heart.
“Kiruba! Is it really you laughing?
Do you know even to laugh?” Sundaram asked to himself. The entire situation was
pleasing to him, yet surprising. At that moment, he felt that out of all the
people in the world, the eternal gaze of the Son of God the almighty was fixed
on him alone.
Desammal's ailing health dragged
on without an end. Sundaram did everything like cleaning her bed and scooping
her poo with at most sincerity. Kiruba was pleased with Sundaram who was giving
shape to the scriptural words hitherto preached to her by his actions. When
Desammal passed away at last, Sundaram's fondness and his comforting words consoled
Kiruba.
Kiruba spoke casually to Pandi Ponnammal couple who joined
them for Desammal's funeral. She felt elated to imagine herself and Sundaram in
the position of their intimacy. Kirupa held to the staunch belief that very God
the almighty alone, who took Desammal to himself, had sent Sundaram to
accomplish his promising versus, ‘I will be with thee: I will not fail thee,
nor forsake thee.’
Kirupa chose the Good Friday falling
on the forthcoming week to disclose the love cherished in her heart. That one week
passed like an everlasting age for her. On the Good Friday, she sent her
friends away to the church for the Way of the Cross adoration, telling them
that she would join them in a short while.
She Called Sundaram to her hostel
room, to meet him alone in a secluded environment. Sundaram stood leaning on
the porch pillar of the hostel. He could recognize that Kirupa, who was
standing in front of him, was little shorter than him in height. "Is everyone
gone?" Sundaram asked.
“Yes. Even Ester is gone”.
“Why didn’t you go then?"
Sundaram asked with surprise.
"I lied I’m not keeping well.
This is the first time in my life that I haven’t been to the Way of the Cross
adoration”. Sundaram felt so proud and overwhelmed that she had done everything
for him. It was the first time that he experienced the love and kindness of a
woman in such a close proximity. Kirupa opened up her heart and started
talking.
"Let's get married. But not
like Pandi and Ponnamma. Let's have it in this very church", said Kirupa
in a calm voice with great confidence and determination. Everything seemed astonishing
for Sundaram. He wanted to kneel down and offer his gratitude to Lod the
almighty. Before he could answer, Kirupa continued. "I don't know whether
you know or not, but I was brought up by this congregation. Around Five to six
children like me have been brought up here. Although you’ve lost your father and
mother, you will have someone to count as your relative. But this place has meant
everything for us”, she spoke with great maturity and poise. "Our school correspondent
Glady Amma has a lot of love and affection for us. Once she returns from abroad
the next week, we both will meet her and talk to her. I'm sure she will
understand," Kirupa said decisively. Sundaram agreed to follow her words
as the suggestion appeared to be the most sensible course of action.
“Our wedding will definitely take
place”, reassured Sundaram.
"How do you say that?"
Kiruba asked.
"Because the grace of Lord
the almighty, Devakirubai, is very much with me". She got euphoric by his
reply and laughed in profuse appreciation. Sundaram felt as if pearls were just
falling and scattering on the marble floor.
He wanted to feel her by touch. Though
they had walked hand-in-hand around the hospital yard so many times earlier, the
present desire arouse inside him since those particular hands and fingers had
just become rightfully his own. But how to ask? While he hesitated, Another
question also arose within him; whether the same desire would have sprouted within
her as well.
Kiruba started walking towards
her room when he was immersed in these thoughts. Sundaram could feel the pain to
be his own when her forehead dashed against the half-closed room door. Holding
something in her right hand, she extended her left arm and walked slowly out of
the room to avoid the door slamming her again. She extended her hand to give
him a Karachevu snacks pocket.
“what is this?” Sundaram asked.
“This is Karasev. isn’t today the
Good Friday? Take a bite of this instead of spinach in the afternoon. I know you
don’t like to eat spinach. That's why I asked Reji Akka who went to the shop to
buy it for you. Wondering how do I know? I overheard your conversation with Muthaiya
in the loom workshop yesterday. Don't keep yourself hungry. Then I will also
remain hungry”. Kirupa pleaded to him in a caressing tone mixed with blushing.
Sundaram got ecstatic and held her
hand tight along with the Karachevu pocket. He drew her close to his side. “Hey!
Have you gone mad? Let me go.”, Krupa's lips uttered those words even as she
stood a willing captive to his embrace. Be it for a few seconds, strange halos appeared
inside both of them and they were witnessing a new illumination.
"kiruba!" Suddenly a
voice broke in. Both of them were shocked as they recognized it to be Esther warden’s
voice. "what is this? What are you doing here without going to church?
What Sundaram, not going to veneration? How long has this been going on?”
Esther rebuked with commanding authority. Both of them got dismayed and stood
without answering.
Locking them inside, Esther ran
to tell the matter to pastor Peter who was temporarily taking care of the
responsibilities of the congregation. Kirupa wept in desperation. As She
couldn't bear to imagine what was going to happen next, she busted into tears.
Sundaram was thoroughly perplexed. Just one thing appeared clear to him, that something
terrible was about to happen. However, he was trying to pacify Kirupa. Along
with Esther, Voices of five or six young men could be heard at the door step.
Sundaram could recognize some voices familiar to him. They were the sons of
employees working in various departments of the congregation. They must have
been sent by the pastor who was already very angry with Sundaram.
George opened the door and rushed
towards Sundaram. He was the son of the sacrist working as a policeman outside
the town. They dragged Sundaram with them. Kirupa wailed in agony. Just then,
the first bell for the way of Cross could be heard ringing. Kirupa felt as if it
was announcing an impending danger instead of proclaiming mercy. Esther dragged
Krupa away. The way of Cross meditation began just then.
“You blind bitch! Can't you just eat
off the food here and keep shut?” Esther slapped Kiruba alternately on her cheeks
and back. Kirupa's whole body was filled with fear as she could not even sense
the direction of her attacker’s hand. She fell on the ground crying.
She heard the preaching of pastor, “The Son of God is bearing
his cross went forth into a place called the place of a skull, which is called
in the Hebrew Golgotha”. She thought about Sundaram. Her weeping grew more
desperate as she imagined how savagely those men would be beating him up. She imagined
herself to have become a big cross that Sundaram could not bear.
The young men put Sundaram in a
closed room and beat him down severely. He was attacked from all sides. Sabarimuthu’s son
kicked him saying, "how dare have you grown you orphan fellow! Everything
is because of blind impishness”!
Someone slapped him on the cheek
saying, "It was because of this fellow why the pastor’s name got spoiled”.
‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do!'
Jesus' first utterance on the cross was being meditated in the church. Sundaram
had already fainted, without the strength to even ask ‘I thirst’.
“Please let us go”. Kiruba was
imploring to Esther. "Where will you go? With that fellow? Don’t you know he
is a thief? Remember our warden Xavier Sir's chain was missing? He is the one
who has stolen it. He would be in jail by now. He can never come out again”. Kirupa
was not ready to believe any of Esther's words. she wept more and more thinking
about the plight of herself and Sundaram.
Already the Pandi Ponnamma
affair, Now Sundaram and Kirupa. There were also many problems in the
administration. The pastor realized that it would become more complicated if Glady Amma became aware of these
developments, who had entrusted him with the management responsibility while
leaving abroad. In order to wrap things up before she returned home, the pastor
decided to send Kirupa to another institution run by the same congregation.
He conveyed his decision to
Esther and sent some young men to accompany her.
No more Sundaram in the vicinity; he will not come and she
too would not be here. Kiruba could instantly feel the darkness that would
descend on the doom's day of the world as prophesied in the scriptures upon
realizing her present situation. ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?'
The words of the Holy Son on the cross was melting in the air for her.
Kirupa was sent to some other nest. Now she went only after
having grown aware of everything that life denied her like wish, desire, love,
marriage and family. The two-hour Way of the Cross adoration came to an end.
Pastor was informed ‘It is finished’.
In a few years, Sundaram got
married and had children. His life went on as usual. Although blind, he was male.
But that was definitely impossible for Kirupa. More than a woman, she was a
destitute and a blind. In another congregation, she would be participating in another
church service. Afterwards, she would have never got a chance to miss the way of
cross adoration.
Her lips were created to utter the verses of Lord the almighty and her chest was made to carry God's cross. She would surely survive by convincing herself “it’s all the grace of Lord the almighty, Devakirubai. “
